A serving of Seroqu*l with a side of Lithi*m

The doctor calls it treatment. I am calling it chemical restraining. My son's in an RTC, hopefully for not much longer. It's actually a really good one. It's sad that we had to turn to CPS to pay for it but that is the reality. I think on my tombstone it will say," Remember, the brain IS an organ IN the body. The treatment of its ills should be covered the same." We're lucky that due to my copious amounts of documentation, we were not charged with RAPR (Refusing to Accept Parental Responsibility) and are actually in a co-parenting sort of set up.

Next Friday, we have our quarterly court status hearing. I've contacted my son's psychiatrist to ask why, if his dx includes: PTSD, RAD and Conduct Disorder, is he on two, very powerful Bipolar/Schizophrenic (the sero) drugs? Now, he has thyroid issues. Hmmm, very common side effect of the Lithi*m and not uncommon in the other. I understand from an advocacy lawyer that a few of his clients in the same place are on the same meds. What, are they getting them in bulk? Wondering what the doctor who told my son basically this," I don't have to listen to the judge. " Of course, being the radilicious teen he is, and even though he's come so very, very far, he still thinks he has to look out for himself. Still doesn't believe the adults involved will have his back. However, I'll sure as hell take it. To be able to drive, alone, with the kid who once tried to strangle me with the seat belt....that's huge.

You know you've gone back to work when....

You don't update your blog for over a month.

Your facebook status goes blank for days or weeks.

You have this eternally exhausted look on your face that shows up again at five a.m.

So, here's where we are today....

Picked up the boy on Thursday evening and will never, EVER do that again directly from teaching all day without one of those energy drinks. Ever.

My son earned a $20 gift card to Wally World from his school at the RTC and he spent it all on baking supplies. He proceeded to make Cheesecake Brownies, Lemon cake, French Vanilla cake with chocolate frosting drizzled with white chocolate and Chocolate Chip cookies. He was the dessert provider for my family at Easter and I very much could see this kid going into culinary arts.

He has come so far that I felt comfortable and confident in asking him if he was okay with the dogs sleeping in his room (they do when he's not here....Sam, the 96 lb. baby howls like his skin is being peeled off, so, for the neighbors' sake, I put them in at night). This is the same child who at one time abused these dogs, mainly Sam (who howled before we even got him btw) who had been abused.

He organized the Easter egg hunt with his little cousins and was so patient in guiding them to where they should "hunt".

This is the same kid who was previously banished from my sister's property....she now tells him she loves him and hugs him. He's helped her greatly clean up her property and even killed several scorpions in the process (the only time I've heard this deep-voiced boy squeal like a girl).

I have to say, each time that I drive away after leaving him at the house he lives in (an RTC, they have house dads for the boys' houses and house moms for the girls) it is so hard and I am so grateful that I miss him. So many times in the past that I thought I wanted to just have him be a memory. So many tears shed over whether I'd ever have the hope of a future with him in it. So many times I just knew it, with certainty, that he'd be in prison and the only contact we'd have would be through glass. (Been there with him, you just cannot hug through a phone.)

Now, they're saying the plan is for him to come home in October. He may need to go to either a half-way house (didn't know those existed for teens) or foster care as part of the transition. He's stressed about that. But today, I have faith in him. He's got this.

Well, okay then

Those crazy Canadians.....they're a little Looney.
Justine, tackling two Radalicious boys and just didn't get enough, so she's getting one more in the female style this time. Roz, this woman is so damn mature, enlightened, grounded and she's only 27. She amazes me how well she has adapted to adding not one, but two siblings of the little guy they already had since last year's Orlando days. Unfreakingbelievable. Melodie, my beer drinking friend who has two daughters. One is a twelve year old drama queen who needs to come down here and move rocks. So she will appreciate her mama more. Amina, who I did not have the privilege of meeting but will definitely make sure of it next year.
Miss Amy, my roommate, such a love for her sons she has. Laura and I share a sad connection of having outlived one of our children. However, watching her with her two girlies, she's so good with them and such a giving woman.
Miss Desi who will soon be off to Kentucky (Rose, did you read that!). Lordy, she has the wit of a razor sharp comedian. She makes you laugh until you cry or feel like you'll puke. She is also raising a genius kindergartener who will someday cure cancer or build a robot dog that does what he wants it to do. Bless her heart.
Mothering...4...Money aka S, who has more shit on her platter right now than she should. I love this lady. Even if her tits make mine look like pimples. Erica, new to our villa, but fit right in just seamlessly. Her son went through unspeakable things in his birth vessel's "care" but he has a mama now that will lay down her life for him. My baby girl Ali. She may talk like a skah mahshull, but she has a such a soft spot for her family. Loved hearing her talk to KenKen and Wubsy each night. She's wicked fun to hang out with even if we did go to bed by ten ....such old ladies.
I wish these were my tits. They are not, mine wouldn't even make one. That is a Canadian Looney coin down the cleavage of a Looney Canadian, so it works. And she's now picking up her third Radalicious kid...sending positive thoughts. Hang onto that coin Justine, you're gonna need it!

Orlando, I heart you. You bring me into contact with such wonderful women and I only wish we'd had more time. For those that might be new to my blog...I'm going to try to add some links here so you can see how far my son has come and what a freaking miracle that is. http://withlovefromsumy.blogspot.com/2008/10/this-is-too-hard.html
http://withlovefromsumy.blogspot.com/2010/09/andhes-done.html
http://withlovefromsumy.blogspot.com/2010/09/sometimes-i-feel-like-walking.html
http://withlovefromsumy.blogspot.com/2010/08/it-amazes-me-that-he-can-still-hurt-me.html
http://withlovefromsumy.blogspot.com/2010/07/staplestheyre-not-just-for-paper.html
http://withlovefromsumy.blogspot.com/2009/10/oh-geezwheres-my-highlighter.html


These are just some of the old ick. I did not include the one where my face looks like Mike Tyson took me for a spin. Didn't write about when my son kicked me in the face and tried to choke me with the seat belt while my husband was driving 70 mph down an unfamiliar highway following an unsuccessful respite attempt. But, I think it's enough. Especially considering that big boy is sleeping downstairs right now. And, he left us this Saturday night:

Therapy and a sore butt!

Nature is my therapist. No matter how rough, tough things get, she soothes me. I'm going to head out for my walk in a while and go to therapy again. I have discovered that I have to pursue my therapy on two feet, not two wheels.

My son is a foster kid basically. Because we had to turn to CPS for help to get him into RTC, he receives gifts like other foster kids. Lucky him because there is no way in hell I'd have bought him Air Jordan shoes. He also got a gift card to Wally Mart. He chose a bike but he left it at home after the visit because the other boys at the RTC mess with his stuff. So, I rode it. And I walked it when the hills became too much. I just don't get the same therapeutic benefit of the nature surrounding me when I can't hear the birds chirping over my wheezing lungs. I can't focus on beauty if my butt feels like someone has welded forks, tines up, to the seat of the bike. I even thought of the word peri-anal on my ride. Good damn grief, how do those guys ride for miles? Are their testicles like little air bags?

So, I'm heading back out, wincing as I walk (and I wore platform shoes yesterday to go to district offices.....my left knee is reminding me that we.don't.do.that.

Gonna take some pichers.......

of my body,only for me to see. I am determined that this time, I will persevere!

I would be a liar if I said I didn't care about looking good. BUT...I care more about having 100% lung function, hopefully ending sleep apnea (jerked awake five times last night!) and eliminating acid reflux. It's cause my body is fat on the inside, not just the outside.

Today, my butt is sore, my legs are sore, but my smile is a mile wide. Not only did I walk another four miles yesterday (took me 1.5 hours! but hey, least it didn't take me 1.5 days...) but I got paid to do it! Found money on the trail, asked every person I came across if they'd lost something. Nope! Now if only I could get paid each time, I'd be exercising at least three times a week!

Picking up the boy tomorrow afternoon so that he can be present at CPS status court hearing on Friday. He's going to turn 15 at the end of this month. Thinking of planning a surprise birthday party but shhhhh, don't tell!

Lame, but in a good way....

I do believe I've eaten my way around the world while Santa did his thing. Polished off the last sour cream cookie with my coffee and then signed up at weight loss buddy. I'm so lame....on New Year's Day, how cheesy is that? But, I have to. For the last several years especially, I've allowed myself to eat and drink whatever I wanted "because of the stress". It sounded good at the time. Now, I've hit over 200 lbs. and have back fat.....as in two rolls, each side. I am out of breath (not laying on the floor gonna die out of breath, but still) at the top of the stairs in my house. Yep, one freakin' flight. Go me! So, even though I'm joining the other lame-o's who start to plan for a healthier future on New Year's Day, I have to do this. Yes, I would love to put on a pair of pants and stop checking for all those socks. You know those socks, the ones that had to have, despite copious amounts of
Dow ny, become entangled in the belly, butt , hip and thigh area because those bulges can so not be ME! I would love to be svelte. I even like saying it and typing it because for now, that's a close to svelte as I'm going to get except for my index fingers. But svelte, as lovely as you are, you have nothing on smooth, as in smooth inhalations and exhalations that don't sound as if a 200 lb. Bull Mastiff has just climbed the stairs next to me. So, here's where the few of you that read this come in.....you're gonna poke my fat ass virtually. If in a post I mention something like going to a big ol' Texas BarBQue, you will simply comment SVELTE or LUNGS. If you want to be mean you could type Lardass. I would get it. See, my son is coming home eventually and I want to be able to keep up with his teenage self. I also don't want him to worry about my dropping dead on him (literally or figuratively) . His needs are not why I'm doing this though....I need to get healthy for myself. I also need to put up my "5K" picture from Orlando in 11. While I look for what will be my new wallpaper, here's a few pics from a successful, large family gathering on Thursday where my son did very, very well. Except for once getting snippy with me and you know what, I redirected his ass and he accepted it. Go him! And yes, go me.