And, now it's not....but, it's all good.

Wooot! Go directly to RTC, do not stop at ASH, (the abusive state hospital) go directly to the place where you'll receive actual help and not abuse by uneducated staff. So, this post is short and sweet just like me (for those who know me....shut.up). People, prayer and positive thinking has helped tremendously! I've been saying it lately...if my son can progress...if we can get tot his point from him beating the hell out of me....anyone can. Keep hoping.

And the magic day is Tuesday

(Disclaimer...this is so not the staff at Au$tin S.H.)
Tuesday morning, my son will leave his home away from home for the last 1.5 years. He has to go to Au$tin St@te Hospit@l as there is no transfer contract between where he is now and the RTC he is going to. I know he will have major anxiety about that. He did a lot of damage before he left there from December 29, 09 to March 16, 10. Lot of property damage to windows (unbreakable ones...about fourteen of them), tore a sink from the wall, liquid soap dispenser and a water fountain. That does not compare to the physical and emotional damage he did to staff, mainly female and I fear for him. What he does have now is an advocate, in Au$tin, that will threaten to sue the hospital if he is abused in any way, shape or form. He is a very different kid than when he left there. If they will put their adult briefs on, they'll realize that he was declared "Manifestly Dangerous" for a reason and that by sending him to NTSH, and having him come back a year and a half later, that the process they have in place actually worked. Praying that they can be mature enough to do this. So, briefly, either a number of hours or days, he
will be 45 minutes away and not 7 hours. I will be there Tuesday morning to make sure the director has the opportunity to speak to specific staff about being verbally threatening or abusive. That includes this statement,"I can't talk to you. You might say I'm abusing you." Why can't grown ups who choose to work with mentally ill children and adolescents act like grownups?

Cold....as in Calls

"Glass Doctor, we fix your panes! This is Jeri." (said with a smile)

We bought a franchise in March. Now that I'm a gainfully unemployed teacher, I'm in training for being the OSR (for those of you not in the know...that's Outside Sales Representative). I've never worked this hard for no pay! You'd think sleeping with the boss would mean some fringe benefits but except for the company gas card and business cards with my name on them....nah.

Well, today I was out in the town that we both graduated from and we moved away from in 1999. Amazingly, there are some things that have not stayed the same there. Some things will always be the same there though....Seguin is the home of the world's largest pecan. (Lots of pecan bottoms (groves) in the area.) I saw the pecan being loaded into the barn for the night on my way home so I took a picture. Things ARE bigger in Texas.

It's Getting Better....Not sure I know how to deal with this

Not only did my son pass the Dangerous Review Board committee but it appears he has been accepted into the RTC I was hoping for. Now, he will only be 3.5 hours away, which is Half of the distance we've been traveling. He's doing well in school and seems to be loving it. Wow, if someone had suggested even the possibility of him turning around, I would have laughed my head off and pointed them at the nearest mental health clinic because they were so obviously unwell. I hope that my son's improvement gives hope to those that are living in the darkness right now. J., you are so on my mind and my heart right now. I know I keep saying this but I pray for comfort for you and your family.

So, let's look at the difference from one June to the next.... June, 2010 sitting with my son, watching him eat a small cheesecake and then,BOOM!, he punched me in the face. I just froze. At that point, I should have been prepared. I should have expected it. Been ready to duck at least. Nothing like driving for seven hours only to leave twenty minutes into the visit. So many times of driving away from there in tears.

The photo is of the front of the state psychiatric hospital which has been our son's home since March 16, 2010.

Fast forward to today. I have the memory of spending several hours, not across the conference tables (make the two across, taking no chances) as had been the way of the last few visits, but walking next to my son. For hours. Working hard not to flinch (see, PTSD seems to spread like the plague) because I saw how hard he was working. Making sure I sat on his right side as his left hook is not as powerful as his right. It just seemed surreal. And now he's going to the next level. A level I never thought I'd get to see. Never.EVER.give up!

Wow, I mean oh my freakin' wow!

Talked to my son last night and he is making progress. I mean, big time progress. He's now in school seven hours a day in the school on site rather than the one hour in his unit he'd been doing. He passed both his math and reading TAKS, which were TAKS M (modified) meaning that while the work was seventh grade level, they took out the non-scored field test questions, making his test shorter and on the math portion, both the questions and answer stems were read to him. Regardless, he passed. He's earning more privileges and gets to be "up front" whatever that means. Wow, I'm so scared this is temporary or the lunge forward before the big fall back. (Reminder to self...count your blessings, not your burdens and focus on the positive of today!)

Wow.

Little Little Ones ....four legged, that is...oh, and RTC concerns

This is what my neighborhood looks like right now...twins are exploding. I give the mamas and some of their single guy friends scraps. I selfishly do this because communing with nature is even better than Effexor! (But not quite as good as Xanax or BudLight.) Over the years of being a trauma mama, I've discovered that any time I can be outside and physically busy, I'm better for it and my family is too.

On Tuesday, the 14th, my son comes before the DRB board again. This is the Dangerous Review Board at the state hospital he's at. The one he was sent to in March of 2010 once he was determined to be "Manifestly Dangerous". He's made a great deal of progress, especially the last few months. Why is it then that while I pray he passes DRB this time, I seem to sink a little at the prospect of that happening. Okay, I'll answer that....because it means change. It means his CPS worker will have to find an RTC willing to take him. It means learning new people...new rules...new procedures. It means telling our story.again.

I miss my son. I miss things for him. Going to the movies. Going out to eat. Choosing when to shower, when to go to bed, what to watch on t.v. I miss the ability to buy him things with alcohol. No, don't worry, not the drinking kind but the kind that you spray on as cologne or rinse with as in mouth wash. I miss being able to buy him cheesey little dollar electronic games that I can't because where he's at, some kids figured out how to harm themselves or get high with the teeny tiny lithium battery. I even miss being able to buy him books because I shop at a place in our area called Half Price Books where I can get used books for a dollar. But that means they didn't come directly from the publisher therefore, I might slip some drugs in between the pages. I miss getting to watch him on Christmas morning even though I know he knows every.single.thing.he.is.getting...because I've told him in order to reduce the anticipation angst.

So, while I hang out with other mamas babies...I worry about my own.